Why language matters: rethinking the language of suicide

“After the last time I came home from the hospital, mum said she didn’t want a disgrace or a failure in the house. When I’m struggling with the thoughts again, I feel like a failure either way. Thank you for making a safety plan with me.”

Childline counselling session with young person, aged 16

Snapshots are based on real Childline service users but are not necessarily direct quotes. All names and potentially identifying details have been changed to protect the identity of the child or young person involved.

Growing up comes with many challenges. Children and young people often feel pressure to fit in, to make friends, to do well at school, to discover who they are. And sometimes these challenges can start to feel overwhelming.

Serious case reviews have identified the following factors that can make children more vulnerable to suicide:

• mental health issues
• bullying and cyberbullying
• social isolation
• self-harm
• perceived or actual pressure to achieve
• the breakdown of relationships, including loss or bereavement
• the experience of abuse, both recent and non-recent.

Case reviews also found that professionals often wrongly dismiss children’s suicide talk and other warning signs of teenage suicide as typical adolescent behaviour. Warning signs can include talking or writing directly or indirectly about suicide, withdrawing from friends and family, self-harm, sudden mood swings, a decline in personal hygiene, clearing out or deleting social media accounts, and feelings of rejection or failure.¹

It's crucial that professionals are alert to the different ways in which children and young people might express suicidal thoughts or feelings. They can then work to engage and support children at risk.

Part of this is being aware of how language can make it easier, or harder, for children and young people to share how they’re feeling and access support.

Accusatory language

Individuals are sometimes described as having ‘committed’ suicide. This idea of suicide being ‘committed’ in the way a crime is ‘committed’ refers to a time when suicide was illegal and anyone who attempted suicide and survived could be at risk of imprisonment.

Suicide was decriminalised under the Suicide Act 1961, but the criminal implication still lingers in the language we use today. The notion of ‘committing’ or ‘trying to commit’ suicide implicitly accuses the child or young person of having done something wrong.

Any language which increases the stigma around suicide makes it harder for children and young people who may be struggling with suicidal thoughts or feelings to freely express their thoughts and seek help from others.

Stigmatising language can also make it harder for families to speak openly about their experiences. This can add to the trauma and complicate the grief of family members, friends and anyone else impacted when a child or young person dies by suicide.

Language of success and failure

Talk of suicide often involves reference to ‘failed’ or ‘successful’ suicide attempts, as well as suicide being ‘completed.’ This misuses the language of achievement and can make things worse for those struggling with suicidal thoughts or feelings.

Case reviews have highlighted how feelings of failure, rejection and being a burden are warning signs of teenage suicide. For a child or young person who has tried to take their own life, talk of a ‘failed’ attempt may exacerbate any pre-existing feelings of failure or low self-worth that might have contributed to the suicide attempt.

Similarly, phrases like ‘unsuccessful’ or ‘uncompleted’ suicide might lead children and young people to associate dying by suicide with ‘success’ or ‘completion,’ while surviving suicide would be deemed ‘unsuccessful’ or ‘incomplete.’ This language implicitly encourages future suicide attempts.

The language of ‘success,’ ‘failure,’ and ‘completion’ may also legitimise the idea that suicide is a way of solving or rectifying a temporary problem. This can be particularly harmful for children, who may not fully understand that suicide is a permanent response, not a solution, to a difficult period in their life that feels intolerable at the time.²

Dismissive language

The language often used to talk about suicide can dismiss or minimise what children and young people are going through. For example, describing a suicide attempt as a ‘cry for help’ or ‘attention seeking’ minimises the level of emotional distress the child or young person is experiencing.

Likewise, phrases like “you’re not going to do anything silly, are you?” minimise and trivialise any suicidal thoughts or feelings a child may be having. Using euphemistic language may suggest to a child that you’re not taking them seriously and aren’t someone they can speak to about how they’re really feeling.

Rethinking our language choices

Talking about suicide and suicidal thoughts can be hugely challenging. It’s important to remain sensitive to the experience of the child or young person, as well as their friends and family members. When having conversations about suicide, make sure there is enough time for the conversation and that, where possible, it takes place in a safe space free from interruptions.

Always be led by the people affected. Listen to the language they use and feel comfortable with and reflect this in your choice of words, staying open and non-judgemental.

When thinking about specific words and phrases, you might find it helpful to consider the following alternatives.

• Instead of saying ‘committed’ suicide, say ‘took their own life’ or ‘died by suicide.’ This removes the implication of criminality.
• Instead of talking about a ‘successful,’ ‘failed’ or ‘completed’ suicide attempt, say ‘died by suicide’ or ‘tried to end their life.’ This avoids the language of achievement when discussing suicide.
• Instead of referring to a child as ‘being suicidal,’ talk about how they are ‘having suicidal thoughts or feelings.’ This highlights how suicidal thoughts or feelings are something a child is experiencing, rather than suicide being part of their identity.

It’s important to speak openly and take a sensitive, factual approach when having conversations with children and young people. Children won’t always be explicit about suicidal thoughts or feelings, so listen to what they say and take the time to explore their thoughts and feelings with them. This can help to reduce the stigma around suicide and show children that you’re taking them seriously.   

By taking children’s thoughts and feelings seriously, professionals can better understand the challenges children are facing and help to provide the right support at the right time.

Children can speak freely about how they’re feeling and receive support at any time by contacting Childline.

> Visit the Childline website

> Find out more about supporting children’s mental health

If you’re an adult and have been affected by any of the issues raised in this article, support is available in the UK through Samaritans on freephone 116 123.