Protecting children from emotional abuse

Types of emotional abuse

There are several categories of emotional abuse. These include:

Rejection

This can include:

• telling a child they aren’t good enough
• physical abandonment
• excluding the child from activities
• not listening to a child or letting them express their views
• belittling a child
• not communicating with the child.

Terrorising

This covers:

• threatening violence
• deliberately frightening a child
• deliberately putting a child in a dangerous situation.

Bullying

This could take the form of:

• verbal humiliation
• name-calling
• undermining or mocking a child.

Physical bullying can also have emotional effects.

> Find out more about bullying and cyberbullying

Manipulation

Manipulation involves coercing or persuading a child to take part in activities that:

• they aren’t comfortable with
• aren’t appropriate for their age or stage of development
• are unsafe.

Gaslighting is also a form of manipulation. This is where perpetrators make someone doubt their own perception, judgment or memory.

Imposing unreasonable expectations

Placing age or developmentally inappropriate expectations on a child, including:

• interacting with children in ways that are beyond their developmental capability
• putting unreasonable limitations on a child’s freedom
• restricting or preventing social interaction.

Exposing to ill-treatment of others

Children seeing or hearing the ill-treatment of others, including through domestic abuse, is also a form of emotional abuse.

> Find out more about protecting children from domestic abuse

Impact of emotional abuse

“I can't cope at home anymore; my mum is making my life hell. She's told me I'm a freak and a shame to the family and how I always let her down. She controls everything in my life and I hate being at home.”

(Childline counselling session with boy, aged 16)

Emotional abuse can have serious short- and long-term effects on a child's health and development.

Emotional abuse can impact children of any age or stage of development. It can even start before a child is born, for example if they are exposed to domestic abuse in utero.¹

Brain development

Early experiences build the foundations of our brains. Brain development starts before birth and continues throughout childhood and into adulthood. Harmful stress, which can be caused by emotional abuse and other forms of harm, can negatively affect brain development.

Emotional abuse can impact children’s:

• cognitive and emotional development
• executive function skills (how they manage emotions and prioritise tasks)
• stress responses.^2,3

> Find out more about the effects of trauma and emotional abuse on child brain development

Emotional development

Emotional abuse can affect a child's ability to feel and express a full range of emotions appropriately.⁴

Children might:

• have trouble understanding the emotions they are feeling
• not understand why they are feeling certain emotions
• find it challenging to keep their moods and emotions under control.^5,6

Children who grow up in environments where they are regularly criticised and belittled may experience low self-confidence and self-esteem which can also contribute to feelings of shame.^7,8

Children who have experienced emotional abuse might try to hide their emotions if they think showing their feelings will lead to further abuse.⁸

> View statistics on emotional abuse

Behaviour

A child who has been emotionally abused may feel that nobody cares what happens to them. This may lead them to display behaviour that others perceive to be challenging. Examples of this might include:

• not participating in activities
• antisocial behaviour
• not engaging with support workers
• stealing
• bullying
• going missing.^8,9

Some children who have experienced emotional abuse might have had to learn to look after themselves or be independent from a young age. They might also not have been taught certain skills. This means that they might not be able to play, might develop language late or use language you may not expect of a child their age.

Forming and maintaining relationships

Children who have been emotionally abused or neglected might develop attachment issues. This can have an impact on the way they form and maintain relationships throughout their lives¹⁰.

> Find out more about attachment and child development

Emotionally abused children might have difficulty making friends or building friendships that are reciprocal.¹⁰

They might have a strong desire to please others.¹¹ This could lead to them putting their own needs aside in order to do what they think others want.

Some children may not realise that their parent or carer’s behaviour is abusive. If they haven’t been taught what makes a relationship healthy and unhealthy, it can be difficult for them to develop and maintain healthy relationships in life.

Some children who aren’t getting the care they need from their family might try to get support and companionship elsewhere. Perpetrators can take advantage of this to groom them for sexual abuse and exploitation.

Young people who have been emotionally abused might be more vulnerable to being abused or exploited by a partner as they get older.¹²

> Find out how to recognise the signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships 

Mental health issues

Emotional abuse can increase the risk of a child developing mental health issues during childhood and later in life.¹⁴

Emotionally maltreated adolescents might experience problems including:

• depression
• post-traumatic symptoms
• anxiety
• suicidal thoughts.¹⁵

Adults who were emotionally abused as children have higher levels of depression and health problems compared to those who have experienced other forms of child abuse.¹⁴

Recognising emotional abuse

It can be difficult to recognise emotional abuse and children may not always realise they are experiencing it.

But there may be indicators in the way a child behaves and reacts to certain situations.

Indicators

Different children, of different ages and developmental stages, will show different signs and indicators that they are experiencing emotional abuse.

Signs and indicators in babies and young children

Infants and very young children aren’t able to talk about how they are feeling or what is happening to them. Young children who are able to speak may not yet have the language to share their experiences. So, it’s especially important to observe the child’s behaviour, relationships and interactions to gain an insight into what they’re experiencing.

Signs and indicators that might indicate that an infant or young child is being or has been emotionally abused, include:

• displaying passive and withdrawn behaviour when interacting with their caregiver
• not seeming upset when separated from their caregiver
• being angry or disinterested when playing and showing little creativity.

You might also observe caregivers:

• not responding to their needs or not being sensitive to their child’s feelings. For example, rarely speaking to or interacting with them, not often showing affection, or not responding to their signals for help
• describing their child as irritating or demanding, even within the first few days of life.

Infants who experience emotional abuse may demonstrate developmental delay within the first year, particularly in their speech and language. If developmental delay is suspected, it is important to have a formal development assessment carried out by a specially qualified professional.

> Read our Core info leaflet on emotional neglect and abuse in pre-school children

> Find out more about how childhood trauma affects child brain development

Signs and indicators in older children

Children who have been emotionally abused may:

• lack confidence and have low self-esteem
• be withdrawn and very quiet
• experience mental health issues
• have a language delay
• struggle to focus and concentrate on tasks
• struggle to make or maintain relationships
• display behaviour perceived to be aggressive or hostile
• seem isolated from their parents, carers and peers
• lack social skills or have few, if any, friends.

> Learn more about neglect or emotional abuse in older children

Risk and vulnerability factors

Children from any background can be at risk of emotional abuse. But some might be more vulnerable than others.

When a family is going through a tough time, parents and carers might need support to provide a safe and loving environment for their children. Challenges families might experience include:

• relationship problems or marital break-ups
• family arguments and disputes
• financial problems or unemployment
• mental health problems
• poverty
• drug or alcohol use
• domestic abuse
• social isolation.

> Find out more about parental mental health problems

> Find out more about parental substance misuse

Parents or carers who experienced emotional abuse may not realise what happened to them was wrong. This could mean they don't understand that they are being emotionally abusive towards their own children.¹

Children who are emotionally abused might be experiencing other types of abuse or neglect at the same time – but this isn't always the case.

Responding to emotional abuse

It can be very difficult to identify emotional abuse.

Some children are naturally quiet and there are lots of reasons why a child might display behaviour you find challenging. All parents tell their children off from time to time, and sometimes the relationship between them might seem strained.

Sometimes it can take a long time for the signs of emotional abuse to show.

But if you notice patterns of behaviour which worry you, you must share your concerns.

Reporting

If you think a child is in immediate danger, contact the police on 999. If you're worried about a child but they are not in immediate danger, you should share your concerns.

• Follow your organisational child protection procedures. Organisations that work with children and families must have safeguarding policies and procedures in place.
• Contact the NSPCC Helpline on 0808 800 5000 or by emailing help@nspcc.org.uk. Our child protection specialists will talk through your concerns with you and give you expert advice.
• Contact your local child protection services. Their contact details can be found on the website for the local authority the child lives in.
• Contact the police.

The police and NSPCC will assess the situation and take action to protect the child as appropriate. This may include making a referral to the local authority.

If your organisation doesn't have a clear safeguarding procedure or you're concerned about how child protection issues are being handled in your own, or another, organisation, contact the Whistleblowing Advice Line to discuss your concerns.

> Find out about the Whistleblowing Advice Line on the NSPCC website

When you're not sure

The NSPCC Helpline can help when you're not sure if a situation needs a safeguarding response. Our child protection specialists are here to support you whether you're seeking advice, sharing concerns about a child, or looking for reassurance.

Whatever the need, reason or feeling, you can contact the NSPCC Helpline on 0808 800 5000 or by emailing help@nspcc.org.uk

Our trained professionals will talk through your concerns with you. Depending on what you share, our experts will talk you through which local services can help, advise you on next steps, or make referrals to children's services and the police.

> Find out more about how the NSPCC Helpline can support you

Supporting children

Children who have experienced emotional abuse might have complex needs. They might need support to understand what’s happened to them and cope with the impact of the effects.

Play therapy has been shown to have a positive effect on children who experienced emotional abuse^1,2.

Talking to children who have experienced emotional abuse

Some children who are being emotionally abused don't realise that it’s wrong, and they might blame themselves for not being 'good enough'³.

So if a child does talk to you about emotional abuse it's really important to:

• show children you care and help them open up
• take your time and slow down
• show you understand and reflect back what they’re saying.

> Read our tips on how to let children know you’re listening

> See our information about recognising and responding to abuse for more details

Childline

If a child or young person needs confidential help and advice about what they’re going through, you can direct them to Childline. Calls to 0800 1111 are free and children can also contact Childline online.

There is also age-appropriate information about emotional abuse on the Childline website.

Preventing emotional abuse

Early help

It's important to support families where there is a risk of emotional abuse to:

• overcome any challenges they are facing
• understand the child's needs
• improve the bond between parents or carers and their children.

Effective support should take each family's context, situation and environment into account. Practitioners should focus on parents or carers and each child individually, as well as working with the whole family together.¹

> Learn more about early help and early intervention

NSPCC Services

NSPCC services that support parents to provide safe and loving care for their families include:

• Domestic Abuse, Recovering Together (DART) - helps children and their mothers talk to each other about domestic abuse, learn to communicate and rebuild their relationship. We're also supporting other organisations to deliver DART in local areas
• Pregnancy in Mind - designed to support parents who are at risk of, or are experiencing, mild to moderate anxiety and depression during their pregnancy
• Together for Childhood - an innovative, evidence-informed approach to bring local partners and families together to make our communities safer for children.

> Find out more about our services for children and families

NSPCC resources

NSPCC has created Look, Say, Sing, Play, a set of resources which encourage positive interaction between parents and their babies.

We also have a selection of parenting leaflets you can share with parents.

Giving children a voice

It's vital to build safe and trusting relationships with children so they can speak out about any problems they are experiencing. This involves teaching children what emotional abuse is and how they can get help.

Our Speak out Stay safe service for schools teaches children how to recognise abuse and neglect in all its forms, and empowers them to speak out if they are worried about anything. 

> Find out more about Speak out Stay safe

Legislation and guidance

Statutory guidance across the UK highlights the responsibility of those in the education, community and care sectors to safeguard children from all forms of abuse and neglect.

Child protection in England

Child protection in Northern Ireland

Child protection in Scotland

Child protection in Wales

> See also Key safeguarding legislation for schools in the UK

Cruelty and ill-treatment

Across the UK, someone over 16 could be prosecuted for child cruelty if they ill-treat a child or cause a child unnecessary suffering.

In England and Wales the Children and Young Persons Act 1933 specifies when someone can be prosecuted for child cruelty or neglect.

In Northern Ireland this is covered by the Children and Young Persons Act (Northern Ireland) 1968.

In Scotland it is Part II of the Children and Young Persons (Scotland) Act 1937.

Prosecution guidance

The Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) has produced guidance on prosecuting non-sexual child abuse offences in England and Wales.¹ This states that child abuse includes physical, emotional and sexual criminal offences, as well as neglect.

Keep up-to-date with new legislation and guidance by signing up to CASPAR, our current awareness service for policy, practice and research

Resources

Statistics on emotional abuse

Read the data available on emotional abuse, including the scale of the issue and the characteristics of children who experience emotional abuse.

> View statistics briefing

Elearning

Our elearning courses can help develop your understanding of how to protect children from emotional abuse and other abuse types.

Introduction to safeguarding and child protection

Safeguarding training for schools, academies and colleges 

Child protection in sport 

Support for children and young people

Childline provides advice and support for children and young people who are affected by emotional abuse.

Further reading

For further reading about emotional abuse, search the NSPCC Library catalogue using the keyword/keywords "emotional abuse"; "emotionally abused children".

> Find out more about the Library and Information Service